Weed and the Single Woman

I have friends that smoke weed on a pretty regular basis. I don't. I can't financially afford another vice and it certainly wouldn't do anything for my girlish figure. I do however, on occasion partake in the reefer when it's around.

I was at my part-time job Saturday night, a restauruant where I wait tables. I stepped in the back to have a cigarette and there was another waitress back there too. We'd never met before but she turned to me and said "You know what I wanna do? Smoke some weed." and I responded "Hi, My name is Patrice and I'm sorry I have none." Next thing I know, she's handing me a little "dime bag" (That's what I would call it) and sending me on my merry way.

So I'm sitting here tonight in my apartment and I just smoked some of it. It's been ages since I had a bowl and I haven't a clue how to roll a joint so I used a crushed can. We used to do that in middle school all the time. Well long story short, I'm stoned off my ass. It's taking me ages to write this blog post because I either A) get distracted by something, like how freaking good this Gobstopper tastes or B) forget what I was talking about entirely.

Weed is really great. Now, please don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that anyone go out and become giant potheads and completely kill of all of your brains cells. But getting stoned can be pretty fun every once in a while. If you've got boy problems weed can offer some temporary relief from the "Is he going to call me?" "Why hasn't he called me?" desperately waiting by the phone trauma. I'm high as a kite and I'm pretty sure if I had to pick between having the man of my dreams or a bowl of fruity pebbles I'd pick Mr. Flinstone. Men can't help but being attracted to the disinterested, haha.

So instead of worrying about the married man you're sleeping with or why one night stand guy from the bowling alley hasn't called you back get stoned and...

try beading- it's fun and challanging in this state of mind
watch t.v. - even the crappiest shows become great with the green
jam out - you might just be sitting on the couch listening to that music but you feel like you're dancing on the roof

try my amazing ice cream

Get whatever kind of ice cream you like and add Captin Crunch to it. It's amazing.



Weed. What a great way to get your mind off of anything that's bothering you.

Thank the Gods for Vibrators

This past Christmas Eve I received the gift that keeps on giving. That's right, a vibrator. Which is pretty sacreligious, I know, but do I care? One really does not realize how freaking amazing these little gadgets are until you have one.

I've recently made the decision not have sex anymore. I've not taken any vows of celebacy, because I know I'm weak willed in the matter of worldly pleasures. But, I am trying really hard to save myself for a man I could actually see myself being with.

After getting out of a wretched 4 year relationship with a complete asshole I've basically just had friend with benefits. There are a few guys around that I hook up with on occasion. I've been well taken care of in the sex department. Though now I feel like that phase in my life is over. I'm ready to have sex with a man who can also appreciate me for who I am, not just whats under my clothes. Therefore I've fired my fuck buddies and put my new favorite toy on the payroll.





As I get older, I think I gain more self respect. Sure, I know I'm not perfect. I know I can be a bit difficult, perhaps even a pain the ass. But who can't? I've got a lot to offer in a relationship and I deserve a great guy who's going to treat me like a princess. The next time I take my pants off for a man, it'll most certainly be because he rode up on a white horse, saved me from a fire breathing dragon, told me how insanely beautiful I was, and took me to meet his parents. Or something like that.

Any of you other ladies out there who are pursuing a path such as I, must invest in a vibrator. I'm sure many of you already have them and can testify to their greatness, but if you don't get one! I honestly believe that a man respects a woman who makes them wait. If you're like me, and I'm attracted to a guy, I have a hard time making it through diner, much less the first date. It's good to know I've got a vibrator at home to get me through at least the 3rd date.

Crazy

"Crazy, crazier and craziest, those are the categories and all women fall into one of them." That's what my dear friend/ ex-boyfriend Dave like to remind me of all the time. He assures me that I'm just plain crazy, but he always points out to me the craziers and craziests.

It's true. We've all been there, crazy, in one form or another. Obsessed over a man and willing to do just about anything to get his attention and make him fall madly in love with us.

Unfortunantly, from my personal experience it seems like the more crazy I am over a man, the less likely it is that he will return that same interest in me.

It's staying power that I lack and I'm sure so many women suffer my same plight. I have absolutely no problem attracting men. I get hit on all the time. But when there's a guy that I feel it with, by it, I mean "the chemistry", I just can't seem to hold onto him.

Just recently, I've figured out why. I relinquish the upper hand. If I'm going crazy over a guy, I'll totally let him walk all over me, have me when he wants me, be there when he asks even if he hasn't called for weeks. That's crazy and it certainly doesn't help my cause.

That was the old Patrice, the new Patrice will retain control until I'm damn near married. And as a very wise friend once told me "He who holds the vag, has the upper hand." That's right, I'm talking about sex and in order to retain the upper hand, it is to be given out sparingly, until you're secure in the relationship.

There's a certain man that I'm testing this theory on. The progress is slow and painful, but I'll keep you posted on my scientific discoveries.